That Guy

So, I'm a guy who loves action movies, good ones and bad ones alike. Being a philosopher, I tend to prefer the ones that have a slight philosophical undercurrent to them, something a bit more deep than "Rawr, kill the bad guys". But it can't be overbearing, or it'll rejected by most of the fans (I'm looking at you, Matrix Trilogy), and thus if it's there, it generally shows up in a Hero Speech.

A Hero Speech is the part where the hero, sometimes in a conversation with a Counterpart, gives a short, motivational speech. It's generally short, since heroes generally aren't portrayed as all that smart, and thus they're generally not exemplary, but occasionally, a real gem pops up.

Thus, I turn your attention to John McClane's speech in Live Free or Die Hard, where he talk about being "That Guy".

Matt Farrell: It's not funny, I'm not like you, I can't do this shit.

John McClane: What's that mean? Like what?

Farrell: I'm not like "heroic", and everything. I'm not brave like you are, I'm not that guy.

McClane: I'm nobody's hero, kid.

Farrell: You've saved my life like ten times in the last six hours.

McClane: Just doing my job, that's all. You know what you get for being a hero? Nothin'. You get shot at. You get a little pat on the back, blah, blah, blah, attaboy. You get divorced. Your wife can't remember your last name. Your kids don't want to talk to you. You get to eat a lot of meals by yourself. Trust me, kid, nobody wants to be that guy.

Farrell: Then why you doing this?

McClane: Because there's no body else to do it right now, that's why. Believe me, if there were somebody else to do it, I'd let them do it, but there's not. So we're doing it.

Farrell: Ah. That's what makes you that guy.

The most painful thing I've heard someone say to me in the past year, ehh, two years, is "You need to consider that you don't have the social skills to be a missionary." Big ups to a man at a school I used to attend for that bit of exhortation and confidence-building, right?

Well, the simple fact is, I've never really thought I'll make a good missionary. I'll be a pretty good pilot, and a skilled mechanic, but as for the talking and witnessing part? You better get someone else. I've met some people that would make great missionaries, but I'm definitely not one of them.

I'm not a preacher, I can barely hold a conversation with anyone. I'm tattoed, I wear black almost exclusively, and combat boots 365 days a year. I tend to ramble, I get nervous if I have to speak in front of people. I can't remember the reference for half the crucial verses of the Bible, even the ones that it seems everyone else knows. I don't even talk like a Christian, since I say words like "shit" and "fuck" too much. I'm also an asshole, and things get worse from there.

Things must be bad indeed if God needed to tap me on the shoulder. Obviously, God ran out of Billy Graham's, Al French's, and John Wesley's, I mean, I'm the bottom of the fuckin' barrel when it comes to people meant for missions. You'd have to look pretty hard to find a bigger asshole while still remaining inside the faithful.

Then again, if things are that bad, then the better people are either doing something else, or aren't doing what they're supposed to be doing. So I got tapped on the shoulder, and shit, I've got nothing better to do, right? Why not throw away my otherwise pissed-away life flying in the backwoods jungle of nowhere?

The man who told me I lacked the social skills to be a good missionary was totally right, but the thing of it is, as soon as I know that someone else will take my job, I'll quite happily go back to being the angry asshole that just wanted to live in a shack and left alone. This was never my dream for my life, but I'll do it until I'm dead, or God finds someone better.

It's kinda funny, though, when people think that God really needs socially skilled, sweet-talking, nice-acting people in order to do what He needs done. If you really think that God needs anything but obedient people, you might want to open the fuckin' book, and read it instead of talking about it.

Take Moses, for example. Yeah, remember that bit about him being called by a burning bush on the side of a mountain? Do you remember why he was there? He was herding sheep, and the reason he was there herding sheep that day is that he ran away from Egypt to avoid being punished for murdering a man.

Or Paul, who was on the road to Anneus to find and kill more Christians when he got called.

Or Peter, who's a poster boy for bipolar people everywhere. Peter's the guy that had no idea what he was doing, or was supposed to be doing, but was going to do it as intensely as he possibly could.

Or David, the murderous adulterer who had so much blood on his hands that God specifically told him that someone else would build the Temple.

Or David's son Solomon, who built the Temple...and never passed up a chance to bang a new concubine, worship a new idol, or attend a party.

Or Jonah, who thought he could run away from God, and obeyed only so that God would be justified in wiping out those scumbag Ninevites...then got really pissed when the Ninevites repented and God spared them.

Shit, compared to those guys, I'm a saint, but in the end, I'm just another asshole who thinks that his meager contributions will matter. You know, someone like...you.

See, the thing is, we're all assholes, we're all too dumb, too stupid, too angry, and too arrogant to ever do anything right. There has been, in all of history, only one person who ever did it right. Jesus was the only guy that could ever have been a good missionary on His own.

The rest of us will fuck it up. That's not an "if" statement, it's a damned guarantee. We will fuck up every task God ever gives us, but doing it right isn't the point, just doing it is. We do our part, even if it's a task that's way, way beyond us, and God will do the rest. Really, it's all up to Him, all we have to do is show up and be there.

The only common thread among the people I listed above is that they obeyed when God called. And that's all I'm trying to do, and that's all you should worry about, either. Just obey, and don't worry about whether or not you're "That guy", so long as you go when you're told to go. Maybe we'll all get lucky, and someone else will show up to do it all for us, but until that day, it's up to us.

The best and brightest of the bottom of the barrel.