10 February 2013

A Question of Pay Grades


I have a confession to make: I'm sick and tired of "doctrine". I'm tired of debating doctrine, I'm tired of studying doctrine, I'm tired of critiquing doctrine, and I'm tired of judging people based on their doctrine. I've seen doctrine-based conflicts tear apart friendships, destroy churches, and drive people to the brink of suicide.

I've yet to see "doctrine" heal relationships, or bring folks together, or save anyone.

Is it even important? Is it legitimate doctrine worth all this shit? 

"Yes, yes" we all cry. "It's worth everything" we say. "We must have perfect doctrine, so that we will know what is true and what isn't."

Okay, valid point. It is very important to know that we're believing in God and not just the idea of God. "God" is a lovely idea, but unless we want to be post-modernists and say that anything goes, we need to define God. After all, the sole big difference between Mormonism, Islam, and Christianity is how we define things, not the terms we use.

The Bible does a very good job of this. God can be defined, if not easily, then at least adequately, using terms and definitions pulled from the Bible. We can also define Christ, and Salvation, and all the other related terms we Christians use on a regular basis. We've got a very well-defined list of doctrine, most of which are so well-thought-out that they haven't required a serious debate for centuries. The last serious doctrinal shift that happened inside Christianity was when one group of Protestants (Arminians) rejected another group of Protestants (Calvinists) and went back to the Orthodox position, stating that God does in fact want everyone to be saved. That was four hundred years ago.

So, what the hell are we fighting over? Have we spent the last four centuries arguing, bitterly and without end, over the shape of the wheels we keep reinventing?

In my life, which is something I take very seriously, I have come to a new conclusion:

It's a matter above my pay grade.

That's my new position: You know what I think? It doesn't matter what I think.

On a good day, I've got like ten brain cells that I can rub together and come up with a thought. Maybe 15. Compared to God, I know nothing, understand nothing, contribute nothing, and can change nothing. So why should I keep trying to reinvent the wheel, to find something new in the Bible that will suddenly make all of the odd bits of doctrine we fight over clear?

I have today figured out. Kinda. I know a minor part of what I'm going to do today. I'm going to finish this post, get it posted, and then I'll  probably get something to eat. I may play some Skyrim, or I may work on my novel after that. As far as theology goes, as far as doctrine is concerned, I'm going to stay on the path I already know: God has opened many doors that have led to me moving towards becoming a missions mechanic, and I see no reason for that to change today.

I don't need to understand God. It's a fool's mission anyways. I will never understand the full scope and scale of why God did certain things. I don't even understand why Christ died for me. I can put it into dry, technical words, but I cannot understand it. It's beyond me, I wouldn't sacrifice my son for anyone, if I was ever blessed with one.

I can, however, seek to understand what God wants me to do. Note that I didn't say "why", I said "what". "Why me?" is a question I'm never going to have a good answer for, but I do believe that I can find an answer to "what". I'm an aircraft mechanic, and I'm headed into the mission field. That is a "what" that fulfills every part of me that's ever wondered what the meaning of life is. I have a lot of reasons "why" I'm going into the mission field, some of them I've detailed elsewhere on this blog, but those are reasons for me. I won't pretend that any of those reasons are God's reasons.

I don't know "why" God does what He does. All I know is that my part of it is to obey, without question or reservation. It's like the Book of Ecclesiastes says: "Now all has been heard, the conclusion is this: Fear God and keep His Commandments, for this is the whole duty of man. For God will bring every deed into judgment, including every hidden thing, whether it is good or evil."

It doesn't say "Understand God and keep His Commandments." While it's a good thing to have clear definitions, we need to shy back from having the arrogance to say that we need to understand God. I've seen that tried, all it leads to is clinical-sounding theology, dry definitions, hypocrisy, and legalism. The definitions suffice for me, I don't need to try to understand how it all works.

I'm one man. I'm one man, one pawn on a chessboard with nearly 7 billion pieces. Every day, new pieces are added, old pieces are taken off the board. Some pieces follow commands, others don't, and out of those 7 billion pieces, I don't even understand where I fit in, or how, or why. I am quite sure, however, that I don't need to fight about doctrine if I can live by it instead.

That's my pay grade. Not to write beautiful-sounding creeds, not to dare to speak for God in doctrinal debates, but to simply live by what I believe, adjusting what I believe and how I act as necessary to stay authentic with what I know about Christ. I've yet to see a verse that says we should turn Doctrine into a war zone, even if we're called to love God with our minds.

Instead of loving God with our minds, we've turned God into a series of bullet points that we then use to rip each other apart in the name of Unity. We fight bitterly in the name of Love. We changed "doctrine" from the definitions of what we believe into an idol, more important than the faith they define. People get murdered over doctrine.

Can you imagine a thing more insulting to God than to say "that one didn't worship you properly, Oh Loving God, so we murdered him"?

I can define what I believe, because definitions are a prerequisite for belief.

However, no matter how much my sinful nature wants to, I will do my best to not allow those definitions to become battlegrounds that do nothing but mock the very things that are fought over.