At a small group I meet with on a weekly basis, I told them I was seriously debating intentionally staying single, for life, to serve God better, despite my desire to have a family. It wasn't an idle comment, but it's not the point of the post.
What merits a full rant is the response I got from one of the guys in the group, who'd just told us how he's praying for guidance about how to approach starting a relationship with a girl he likes, that he's pretty sure likes him.
"I wish I could do that" he said.
I managed not to ask him what the fuck was wrong with him. Dude has definitely got to get his head checked.
For the benefit of everyone who's ever been jealous of flying, gun-building, 3.9+ GPA, school-paid-for, not-needing-to-work Soren, here's some other things that have happened to me in the past three years. Read the whole list, then decide if anyone should really want any part of my life.
1. I've been fired twice.
2. My ex dumped me for being so hateful that I couldn't possibly be a Christian.
3. Cops have pointed guns at me, detained me, and searched me. It's actually a pretty funny story, despite the total violation of my constitutional rights.
4. I've held a job for less than half of it.
5. I've gotten into a car wreck.
6. I've been openly used by "Christians" as a resource they can call on when it's bad, but don't mind forgetting when things are good.
7. I've been thrown out of a college.
8. I've been hospitalized against my will.
9. Three people I never threatened filed anti-harassment orders against me that I had to borrow money to hire a lawyer to get rid of.
10. Moved 1500 miles past my house because my family, "always there for me", didn't want me in their spare bedrooms.
11. Moved in with a friend that turned out to be an alcoholic man, with a medical history of paranoid schizophrenia.
12. I've been on a work trip that involved buckling a vomit-covered acquaintance into the SUV rented for the trip. Then stopping twice while he puked, and finally dealing with his mother, who accused us of putting him up to the drinking.
13. I've been forced to use violence to remove the aforementioned schizo from my room.
14. I've been forced to call a friend at 2330 to ask for a couch to sleep on.
15. I've spent a night in a homeless shelter. Not because of the friend I called, though. Different situation.
16. I no longer talk with two of my family members.
17. Two other family members died.
18. I've been woken up in my bed by cops.
19. I've watched otherwise-normal Christians invent reasons to have me locked up.
20. I've had to listen to my pastor tell me to not go into missions.
21. I've lost friends because of things I never did.
22. I've been called a fool for daring to learn from the only philosopher that ever inspired me to follow God.
23. I've cooked a full dinner for friends, only to be forgotten about the very next night when they went out to a restaurant.
24. I've had three emotional breakdowns.
25. I've seriously considered killing myself, twice.
26. I've been depressed, in the clinical sense, for most of the last three years.
27. I've had to run out of the house at 2 AM and drive across town because a friend who was talking about suicide suddenly stopped responding in chat.
28. I've seen Bible-college professors misrepresent what I believe in order to call entire denominations of Christians "heretics".
Look, I wouldn't trade my life for anything, and I love it, but unless you are out of your mind, you don't want any of this. Nobody asks for this life unless they're insane, and I wouldn't ask for round two. Don't be envious of the places I go, or the things I do, unless you really, REALLY want to walk the path that brought me here.
You don't.
No comments:
Post a Comment