Internship Things Part 2: Great Expectations

It's really hard for people to not expect things as we go through life. Especially those of us in the West, who are raised in a scientific world where "cause and effect" are a way of life. We do X, we get Y. Do X again, get Y again. It's ever harder to not expect things if we're told to expect them.

I'm not sure it's humanly possible to go through life without expecting things. I go to work, I expect to get paid. If I didn't expect anything from my labors, why would I even work? Expectations are the way Humanity moves forward. Hell, some day I expect to retire and build a plane. I'm looking forward to it, and it's one of the reasons I'm expecting (there's that word again) to devote a good portion of 2015 and 2016 to studying aeronautical engineering.

During my internship with MAF this summer, and even before that, I was told to expect certain things. I'd applied for an internship in a certain country, and was approved. Due to that, I expected to work in that country. The operation in that country works on certain airframes, in a certain culture, and so I expected those things.

I didn't really have a reason not to. I had plane tickets, a visa, a packing list, even a pocket guide to the local culture and language.Hell, it wouldn't have made sense to expect otherwise. Only a crazy person would see a plane ticket to Asia and expect to spend two months in southern Africa.

So when I got to MAF this summer, I had some expectations. Nothing absurd, just a certain gig, in a certain country, on certain airframes.

I was looking forward to it as much as I'd ever looked forward to anything. I was stoked. I was excited. I'd get all bubbly talking about it, because it was something I was truly passionate about.

But I made a couple mistakes, and they cost me. I totally blew my first chance, but was told that I'd get a second chance, and if I panned out, if I earned it, I'd get to get back on track with the original internship. "Do this thing for us," they said, "and we'll put you on a plane."

Cause and effect. Do X, get Y.

I did X. I got back to the US, they said "You did X, Y is coming."

Why on God's Green Earth would I not expect Y? What possible reason would I have had to not hopefully expect Y, which I had applied for, been approved for, had tickets and a visa for, and had now been told by the vice-president of the organization was coming?

But Y did not come. I got a lovely, plausible excuse as to why Y did not come, but even a plausible excuse does not erase the optimisim, hope, and expectations that come with over a year of working towards a goal.

It was depressing. 18 months of work and every expectation I had, no matter how reasonable, came to nothing.

So with a fair amount of dejection, I took the next available assignment.

I ended up in Z. Lesotho. It was not what I had been told to expect, nor what I wanted, but by that point I simply wanted to do something useful.

When I got there, instead of being put to work doing useful things on an airplane, like I had expected, I was stuck in the back room, counting parts. I was told that despite my prior training, the organization hadn't certified me on anything more complicated than counting parts, so I would not be touching airplanes with a wrench.

I'll admit, I didn't take that very well. All the things I'd been working towards, all the things I'd hoped for and expected, and all of it had turned out to be bullshit.

Mighta had an argument with the boss after that.

Got told by a guy in Lesotho that expectations are a bad thing. Good servants hope for nothing, and expect nothing, he said. A good servant doesn't care where he serves, or who he serves.

Dude's full of shit. I bet that dude expects that when he goes home from work, his wife will still be there, taking care of the kids. I bet he expects his paycheck to come in, in the expected amount, on the expected day. I bet he expects that when his boss tells him to expect something, he expects it. I certainly expects that he treats his wife differently than other women.

But somehow, I became the bad guy when, after being told to expect Y, I didn't have the same feelings about Z. Z should be just as fulfilling, just as good.

Where the hell do people come up with this stuff?

I seem to remember a story about a guy named Jacob working for a girl named Rachel's father for 7 years so he could have her hand in marriage. He worked hard, and at the end of the 7 years, he was instead given a girl named Leah.

He didn't go "Well, good enough. A girl's a girl. Wasn't the girl I was working for, but whatever."

Quite the opposite, actually. Jacob went back to work another 7 years to get the girl he wanted, because he had a goal, and something else just wasn't going to do. I'm sure that the transition was a bit of a struggle for him. His expectations were reasonable, as he had been told to expect Rachel.

Nobody would have expected Jacob to say "Well, I spent seven years working for Rachel, not Leah, but Leah will do fine."

I, on the other hand, was expected to say "Well, I spent 18 months working towards one thing, but some other thing will do just as well. After all, a program in Africa is just like a program in Asia, and there's no reason to want one more than the other."

I wish that was sarcasm. Unfortunately, I was actually expected to say that. I was expected to view one as just as good as the other.

Wait a second, hang on. Why the hell, if I was to not have any expectations, if any thing is as good as any other thing, why did HQ have such a problem with me anyways?

I mean, they expected (for unknown reasons) a relaxed, low-key mechanic. Instead they got one of the most intense people to ever walk through their doors. They expected someone who won't speak up in class...they got me. They expected me to view any program they shuffled me off to as just as good as the one I worked for.

So...can someone explain why their expectations are reasonable, while mine were not? Why my depression when all my expectations fell apart was bad, and their reaction to the falling-apart of their expectations was perfectly justified? Hell, why'd they even have expectations if expectations are bad?

Honestly, I don't know. None of the answers I can think of make much sense.

But I do know that I will continue to expect things. "Do X, Get Y" is one of the basic principles of the world. It's the basis by which we humans interact with each other, and to throw that aside in the name of "meh, whatever" is madness.

"Do X, Get Y" is not an unreasonable expectation to have. It's the foundation for the modern world, and the basis of trust. The expectation of "Do X, Get Y" will work is the basis of every transaction two people can have. It's how economics works, it's how science works, it's how everything works.

But this summer, "Do X, Get Y" did not work, and I became the bad guy because that bothered me. I did X, I was told I was going to get Y, and I expected Y. Honestly, it's not that a security situation in a third-world shithole caused housing troubles that bothers me now. It was disappointing, of course, but I know that sort of thing happens.

What really bothers me, even months later, is that people became disappointed with me because I was expected to not be disappointed that my expectations came to nothing. But only my expectations were bad, and only my disappointment was unjustified. I don't know how I keep ending up the villain, but I'm do know this:

People who think expectations based on "Do X, Get Y" are unreasonable are probably not people I want to fix airplanes for.